Wanting Jokes

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her more...

Three missionaries are captured by a tribe of cannibals. When
they are brought before the chief, he points to the first
missionary and says
"Do you want Death or do you want Bunda?"
"I don't know what Bunda is but it sounds better than death, I'll
take bunda."
A cheer goes up from the tribe and they proceed to take turns
bending him over a stump and having their way with him, and then
let him go. The next day the chief points to the second
missionary and says,
"Do you want Death or do you want Bunda?"
Not wanting bunda, but wanting death even less, the second
missionary also chooses bunda. With a cheer they take him to the
same stump, and after a few hours, they let him go. The third
day, the chief points to the last missionary, and gives him the
same choice. The third missionary, being more devout than the
others, says
"I'll take Death!"
The loudest cheer more...

General Zia, late Pakistani president, while driving round Islamabad came across long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad.

He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people were wanting to leave the country. No sooner did people see their president with them they left the queue to return to their homes.

President Zia asked them why they were doing so. They replied:' If you are leaving Pakistan, there is no need for us to go.'

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound. He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?" The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. more...

Q: What`s the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Q. Why has Kevin keegan banned his players from owning dogs?
A. Because they can`t hang onto a lead.
The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son`s sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you". His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways. Just before his son`s seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.
"Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his more...