Whore Jokes / Recent Jokes

Guy goes in a bar tells the bartender I made $25.00 today you know a good whore? Bartender says go ask her. He asks how much for a blowjob she says see that porsche in the driveway he says yeh I got that because I give the best job in town, how much? She says $25.00 he pays her it was great. The next day same guy makes $50.00 he asks the hooker for a piece of ass. She says see that fur coat in the closet? I got that cause I got the best ass in town. He says how much $50.00 she said. So he paid her it was great. The next day the same guy makes $150.00 He wants some pussy. He asks the hooker she says see that condominium over there. He says let me guess that's yours right. She says no but it would be if I had a pussy...

A guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the
first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out.
The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he
gets kicked out.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and
says, "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a
blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."

"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see." So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a
bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin."
Soon, a whore comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's
about to let loose, she stops and walks away. Now, the horny guy with his
pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting...
"HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!"

Q. what did the sign on the whore house say?A: Beat it we are closed

Hilary is at a pet store and is looking or a talking parrot. She noticed one that was much cheaper then the rest. She asks the store "Why is this parrot so much cheaper then the rest." The store owner replies "That one was at a whore house and has dirty language."

So Hilary takes buys this one thinking she can teach it better language. She then takes it to the oval office and the bird says "New house new madam." Hilary gets frustrated and walks out

Then Chelsea comes in and the bird says "New house new Whore." so Chelsea gets mad and storms out.

Then Mr. Clinton comes in and the bird says "Hey Bill."

There was this little boy who went in the whore house with adead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked thepimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but theboy said "please mister, just give me a whore with aids, ihave money thats no problem" the man was like ok "if you havethe money". So the boy went in and fucked the whore and cameout smiling to the man at the counter. The guy didn't understnadwhy he was so happy. "its a long story" the boy said. "tell me, i can wait" hte man said impaciently. "ok" the boy says "i haveaids now right? well--i'll go home and screw the babysitter... she'll get aids, then my dad will come homw and screw her... he'll get aids, my dad will screw my mom... she'll get aids. Then my mom will then screw the milk man..... and he's the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"sent by Alaine

A woman went to her accountant to have her taxes filed. "Before starting," the accountant said, "I will need to ask you a few questions." He took down her name, address, social security number and then asked, "What is your occupation?"
"I'm a whore," she answered.
"No, ma'am, that will never do," exclaimed the accountant. "That's a little too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
"Ok, then, I'm a prostitute," she replied.
"No, that will never do either," he stated. "Let's try again."
"I've got it, I'm a chicken farmer," replied the woman.
Looking puzzled, the accountant asked, "What does being a chicken farmer have to do with being a whore or prostitute?"
"I did raise well over 5,000 cocks last year!" she answered.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your father do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "He is a doctor."
"That is wonderful. How about you, Sarah?"
Sarah shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Sarah," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays the piano in a whore
house."
The teacher was horrified and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later
that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered
the door. The teacher repeated what his son had said and demanded an
explanation.
Billy's father said, "Well, I am actually a lawyer. But can I explain a thing
like that to a seven-year-old boy?"