Worse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Worse: She's a lawyer

Good News, Bad News, Worse News VII Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47 Worse: You gave him nothing for Christmas

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:

1. Describe your problem:
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________
_____________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

4. Problem severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial

5. Nature of the problem:

A. ___Locked Up
B. ___Frozen
C. ___Hung
D. ___Strange Smell

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about more...

Thoughts From Women About Being A WomanThe hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. * Helen Hayes (at 73)I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow. * Janette BarberThings are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. * Lily TomlinA male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. * Carrie SnowOld age ain't no place for sissies. * Bette DavisIf you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. * Catherine AirdA man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. * Rhonda HansomeThe phrase "working mother" is redundant. * Jane SellmanWhatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. * Charlotte WhittonThirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. * Caryn LeschenWhoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm more...

The Eight Worst Convenience Foods
And I thought nothing could top Hormel’s pickled eggs …
8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, “Go on, eat me already. ” The second-best thing is the presence of both “cooked mutton” and “mutton” in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you’re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you’ll be pleased to learn that a more...

Sachin received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
Sachin tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Sachin put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.
Sachin was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Sachin's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."
Sachin was astounded at the bird's change more...

Good: You're having sex.
Bad: The dog came in during and licked your butt.
Worse: You liked it.
Good: Your teenage son is spending a lot of time in his room "studying"
Bad: You find a bunch of gay porno tapes hidden in his room.
Worse: He's in them.
Good: Your wife gives your daughter the birds and the bees speech.
Bad: Your daughter keeps interrupting...
Worse:... with corrections.