Yiddish Jokes / Recent Jokes

These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town.

They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.

The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, an old friend also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The owner looks around and leans in so no one else will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."

Shlomo wants to buy a parrot and goes to a pet shop to see what they have.
The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite special - it can speak most languages. So Shlomo decides to test this out.
"Do you speak English?" asks Shlomo.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"Hablas Espanol?" asks Shlomo.
"Si," replied the parrot.
"Parlez vouz Francais?" asks Shlomo.
"Oui," replied the parrot.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?" asks Shlomo.
"Ja," replied the parrot.
Shlomo pauses for a while, then
asks the parrot, "Do you speak Yiddish?"
The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says, "Nu? Vis a nose like dis,
vot you tink?"

There are two Jewish men sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish, asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, also fluent in Yiddish. "Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?" The owner looks around and leans in so no one will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."

There are two Jewish men sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking among themselves in Yiddish.

A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish, asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.

The Jewish men are dumbfounded. "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager of the store, also fluent in Yiddish.

"Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The owner looks around and leans in so no one will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."

You've had at least one female relative who draws eyebrows on her face and they are always asymmetrical.You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket".Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10 foot wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha and bowties.You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.You never knew anyone who's last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes.You thought all women's breasts were at least a C cup.You were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.You think the goyim are out to get more...

The yiddish speaker.
Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Golders Green.
She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?"
The man answers, "Yes, Ich Farshtay."
Sadie then says, "Vot Time is It?"

The waiter
Benjamin and Morris are sitting in a wonderful Kosher restaurant in Hendon.
They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. Benjamin and Morris are dumbfounded.
"My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager, an old friend of theirs, also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans over to them so no one will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we`re teaching him English."