"If King George Had Been a Bureaucrat" joke

The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dear Mr. Jefferson:
We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest.
Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your
statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the
Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for
proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further
refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in your process of
revision:
In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature
and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they
the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please
document with citations from the recent literature.
In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."
Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence,
it seems to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.
You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please
elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not
be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting
statistics.
"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the
goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If
you were to say that "among these is the ability to sustain an
average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at least 55
years, and to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news
without outside interference, and to raise the average income
of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years," these
could be measurable goals. Please clarify.
You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes
destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to
alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government...."
Have you weighed this assertion against all the alternatives?
What are the trade-off considerations?
Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive.
Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of
goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement.
Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all.
You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent
States," and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to
the British Crown." Who or what must change to achieve this
objective? In what way must they change? What specific steps
will you take to overcome the resistance? How long will it take?
We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to
prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are
your strategies?
Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for
implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided
the theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory
committee? Please submit an organization chart and vitas
of the principal investigators.
You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring
this since Queen Anne's War.
What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include
any assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-
range prospects of your undertaking.
Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget,
and manpower utilization matrix.
We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration
of Independence." We welcome the submission of your revised proposal.
Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies
with original signatures will be required.
Sincerely,
Management Analyst to the British Crown