Jim Bainbridge's Jokes
My mate Geordie collects cigerette filters. Peels of the paper, sends them off to a guy in London who gives him 50p a hundred for them,who then cleans them up and sends them off to a guy in Africa who re-packages them and sells them on, as Tampax for Pygmys.
No, Wait, theres more.
There is a guy In Africa who do's the same trade in reverse !!!!
My mate Geordie collects cigerette filters. Peels of the paper, sends them off to a guy in London who gives him 50p a hundred for them,who then cleans them up and sends them off to a guy in Africa who re-packages them and sells them on, as Tampax for Pygmys.
No, Wait, theres more.
There is a guy In Africa who do's the same trade in reverse !!!!
My mate Geordie collects cigerette filters. Peels of the paper, sends them off to a guy in London who gives him 50p a hundred for them,who then cleans them up and sends them off to a guy in Africa who re-packages them and sells them on, as Tampax for Pygmys.
No, Wait, theres more.
There is a guy In Africa who do's the same trade in reverse !!!!
A guy climbs on to a bus, he is carrying a Double Bass, The bus driver says, ...." I dont know where your going with that thing, but when you get there, I hope they ask you to play......................."
Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Centre.
As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light. "Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts Geordie.
"Ah te be sure, my brother and me, we do that all the time" says the cabbie.
A mile down the road and the Taxi driver shoots over another red light.
"Driver, that was another red light!" Screams Geordie.
"Ah to be sure its nothing at all my brother and me, we do it all the time."
They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the Taxi driver stops !
" Driver, its a green light ! Why the hell have you stopped ?" says Geordie.
"Ah to be sure, " Says the Taxi Driver, " my Brother, he might be coming the other way ........"
Geordie is on a weekend stag do with his mates, Jock, Taff and Paddy.
Thay visit a Brothel, the Madam explains that they have a simple pricing system, they charge by the lenght of the penis..£10 per inch.
Meeting up later, Jock brags..... "Och, Best £90 a ever spent"....
Paddy says, Cost me £100....... Taff, not wanting to tell them that he paid only £60 decided to lie " You's all got off lightly I had to pay £125!!!
Geordie pipes up..." Really? It only cost me £15 !
I PAID ON THE WAY OUT "
How do you make a Horse Drink?
Take a horse and put it in the Liquidiser.