1st Jokes / Recent Jokes
At a mental hospital, 2 patients wanted to run away from the hospital. but there was a high wall that was surrounding the hospitals boundary, so these 2 patients planed to jump the wall on the 1st of april. so one patient says to the other " we can't just go and jump, we need to practice". so both of them started to practice jumping this high wall. everyday they jump from the inside of the hospital wall to the out side and back inside. they kept on practicing like this till the 31st of march. on 31st night of march, there was big thunder storm and lighting hit the wall where the 2 patients kept practicing to jump the wall. so on the 1st early morning, one patient went to the wall and came back running to tell the other patient " can't jump today the wall is broken"
1st Witch: Whats your new boyfriend like? 2nd Witch: Hes mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too!
1st Cannibal: I dont know what to make of my boyfriend these days. 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot?
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
The 1st week the father asked him what he had learned
The son said "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string"
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week
The son said "On my 2nd lesson I learned about the A string"
3rd week came by and the father said to his son "You know these are expensive lessons what have you learned this week"
The son said "I quit the lessons I already got a gig"
1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too!
The Evolution of Mom
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your Clothes -
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name -
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing more...
1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days?
2nd Monster: He's at medical school.
1st Monster: Oh, what's he studying?
2nd Monster: Nothing, they're studying him!