1st Jokes / Recent Jokes

THREE GUYS WERE ON A PLANE THE 1ST 1 WAS A aussie, THE 2ND 1 WAS A american, AND THE 3RD 1 WAS english [england] THEY HAD THEY HAD TO MUCH STUFF. SO THEY DECIDED TO THROW SOME STUFF OUT. THE 1ST THREW OUT A JAVELIN HE WENT DOWN AND SAW A KID CRYING HE ASKED WHY YA CRYING KID HE SAID A JAVELIN HIT ME IN THE HEAD. THE 2ND GUY THROWS DOWN A SHOTPUT HE ALSO WENT DOWN AND SAW A KID CRYING HE ASKED THE KID WHY YA CRYING KID A SHOTPUT HIT ME IN THE HEAD. THE 3RD GUY THROWS DOWN A BOMB GOES DOWN AND SAW A KID LAUGHING WHY YA LAUGHING KID WELL I FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP

1st Woman: My husband became a lakhpati because of me.
2nd Woman: What was he before?
1st woman: He was a crorepati.

1st Cannibal: I don't know what to make of my boyfriend these days. 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot?

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
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Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
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Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school more...

The baseball season is fast approaching and the Mudville Sliders decided to call a press conference. During that meeting, I overheard some unusual comments: Andy ( writer for Sam's Sports Page): "Will you have the same team as last year, considering you only won 42 games?" Josh (Mudville Manager): "We plan to make a few changes but it has nothing to do with our win/loss record. Thinking of getting rid of one of our pitchers, our right-fielder and our 1st baseman." Andy: "That's quite a few. Could you please tell our readers the reason for these changes?" Josh: "Well, it's simple. We can't afford to tarnish the team's reputation. The pitcher hit one of the other team's batters in each of the last 8 games. He never was provoked. The 1st baseman got caught stealing 3rd base five times last season. What will people think? As for the right-fielder, I might give him a second chance; but all he could really catch last year, was a cold."

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
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The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd more...

U r the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind.

I wish I could start my day with
U in my bed. I jus luv ur feel
to my lips. U just make my day,
I love U NESCAFE!