1st Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash. They each had to throw one item out: The 1st guy threw out an apple. The 2nd one threw out a bannana. The 3rd one threw out a bomb. There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing. A guy went up to the 1st one and asked, "Why are you crying?" He answered, "an Apple hit me on the head. He went up to the 2nd one and asked, "Why are you crying?" He answered, "a Bannana hit me on the head." He went up to the 3rd one and asked, "Why are you laughing?" He answered, "I farted and my house blew up!"

Detroit - With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent
since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant win airbag contest January 1st. The new airbags,
which award fabulous prizes upon violent high-speed impact, will come standard in all the company's
1998 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting!" said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who
expects the contest to boost 1998 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXII or a year's worth of
free Mobil gasoline."
Although it did not officially begin until January 1st, 1998, the airbag promotion has already been
tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,' Oh boy, this is it - I could
be a big winner!'" more...

1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from?

2nd Eskimo: Alaska

1st Eskimo: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself!

What kind of dog does Count Dracula prefer?
Any bloodhound!
1st Mailman: A dog bit me on the leg this morning!
2nd Mailman: Did you put anything on it?
1st Mailman: No, he liked it plain!
My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.
Gerald Solomon
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
What do you call it when 3, 000 dogs and cats get sent to the pound?
A doggone catastrophe!
Who was the dogs all-time favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!
What is the height of bad manners?
Telling a pointer not to point.
What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie!
How do you catch a runaway dog?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex:

1st: Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!

2nd: You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?

1st: Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!

So the second old man rushed to the store.

Clerk: May I help you?

Old man: Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please.

Clerk: That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!

Old man: Darn! Does EVERYONE know about this except me?