Alien Jokes / Recent Jokes

YOUR CO-WORKER COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN, SAY EXPERTS... here's how you can
tell (by Michael Cassels of the "National Inquirer")
Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -
but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain
tip-offs, say experts.
They listed 10 signs to watch for:
1. Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully
understand the different styles, so they wear combinations
that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped
shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted
Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.
2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might
eat French fires with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of
pills, the experts say.
3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don't understand
earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film
or tell jokes that no one understands, more...

Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft."
The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases." Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences more...

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been fired from his job.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked them out.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-When more...

Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs.
They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed.
When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.
"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end. Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."
"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"
"Then it begins to rain."

once there were three aliens who crashed their plane on earth. These aliens did not know any language. SO they decided to learn. The first one said "
I am the smartest, I will go to opera singing."
The second one said"
I love food. I will go to a bakery"
The last alien said "
I am dumb, But like candy. So I will go to a candy store"
The first alien learned one word and that was "
ME, me, me, meeeeee"
The second one learned three words. "
Knives and forks"
The last alien learned "
Goody, Goody, gumdrops"
So they fixed the space ship and on their way home said their last words. ALl of a sudden a Police officer came up to them and said "
There is a crime. Who did it?"
The first alien said "
Me, me, me, Meeeee"
Then the Police officer said"
with what?"
The second alien said "
Knives and more...

Fun things to do in space or during an abduction or alien encounter:
By Paul Maddox
Pee everywhere. That stuff is messy in zero gravity.
Push heaps of buttons on the control panel of the mothership.
Find biosamples from other planets and let them roam free.
Cough a lot. (haha the aliens probably don't have the right antibodies to stop the virus from killing them - hahaha)
Pretend to be dead, then when they get close, scream in their face.
Call them names. (eg. Fathead, Bug-eyes etc.)
Play in the airlock.
If they're studying you, make cow noises.
Go space-debris-shooting with the Ion Cannon.
Step on their feet.

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed.
"Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?"
Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!" Bill says. "What did the alien do to you?"
"I don't remeber all the details," Ted says. "All I remember is being anally probed by the alien."
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"
Ted responds, "Bill."