Chop Jokes / Recent Jokes

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?" The young man says, "I chop more...

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked,"What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, more...

An avid ice fisherman moved a short distance onto the ice and began to chop a hole.

Suddenly a voice boomed out from above: "There are no fish in there."

The man looked around but didn't see anyone. However, he heeded the advice and moved to a different spot on the ice to chop another hole.

Again, he heard the loud voice say: "There are no fish in there."

The fisherman still couldn't see anyone. But he accepted the fishing tip and began chopping a third hole farther out.

"There are no fish in there,' resounded the voice louder than ever

Still there was no one in sight, and by now, the fisherman was becoming afraid. "Are you God?" he asked meekly.

"No," the loudspeaker thundered. "I own this skating rink."

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden
this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a
karate chop from Japan."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a
sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a kung-fu chop from China."
The little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back
--WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that is a crowbar from
Sears."

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and --WHACK!! -- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and --Bong!!!-- bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.
The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"
So the hikers did that and came back.
The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."
So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.
1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.
The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.
So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon more...

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"So the hikers did that and came back.The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head. The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy! 1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?"The guy who had more...