Chop Jokes / Recent Jokes

on day santa clause, the toothfaire, and the easter bunny walked up to ahotel to rent a room. the lady at the counter said the only room they had left was the honted house room, and santa clause says "any room will do thank you" and when they got to the room santa clause went to the bathroom while the toothfarie and the easter bunny put there bags up well when they started to open the closet door the closet said "im the ghoust from beanie whenie you open this closet ill chop off your whenie.well when santa clause came out of the bathroom he seen the bags lieing and the floor and went to put them in the closet well when he went to open the closet it said"im the ghoust from beanie whenie you open that closet ill chop off your whenie" santa clause said" im the ghoust from christmas pass you come out that closet ill kick your ass.

One night a little man was sitting on a stool in a bar and a big man walked in and POW! knocked the little man off the stool and said "that was a judo chop from japan" the little man didnt think much of it and got back on the stool but again POW! the big man knocks the little man off the stool and says "that was a karate chop from korea" this time the little man was annoyed so he left the bar. Five minutes later the little man came back and POW! he knocked the big man off the stool and said to the bartender " when he gets up tell him that was a crowbar from sears"

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ''That was a karate chop from Korea.''
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,''That was a karate chop from China.''
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, ''Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!''

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term' died in the arse'?

2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

4. Explain the following passage:' In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'

5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

6. Complete the following sentences:
a)' If the van's rockin' don't bother?
b) You're going home in the back of more...

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up? Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

There's a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking. The celery was like "Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!"Then the carrot was like "You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!"Then the dick said "Ya, well I got it the worst. They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!"

one day this aussie was sitting in a bar and a yankee comes and gives him a chop on the side neck and says thats a karate chop from japan so the yankee goes back to his friends and comes back a little whhile later and gives the aussie a chop on the other side of the neck and says thats a judo chop from korea so the aussie drinks his beer and walks out and comes back an hour later and goes up to the yankee and hits him over the head and the yankee gets knocked out and the aussie says to the barman tell him when he wakes up say that was a crowbar from bunnings.