Chop Jokes / Recent Jokes

Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer: No, I can't.

Waiter: Then does it really matter?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Veal chop!
Veal chop who?
Veal chop for some new clothes!

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands arereally freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *ears* ever get cold?"

Once upon a time, there was a king who had a daughter of marriageable age. As he was very fond of his daughter and he didn't want her to leave him, he made an impossible offer to his kingdom's men. He announced that whoever has two pricks would be eligible to marry his daughter. The invitation spread far and wide. Of course there were no one who came forth, and the king was secretly pleased. In another part of the kingdom, there were 2 woodcutter brothers, Jack & Jim. One day, they chanced upon a very big tree and decided to chop it down for it would fetch them a decent amount of money if sold as firewood. As they were about to chop it down with their sharp axes, a voice cried out, "STOP! Please don't hurt me! " The brothers were scared shitless when suddenly an apparition appeared from out of the tree. He told them that he was the genie of the tree and if they would to spare him, he would grant them a wish each. Remembering the king's offer of his daughter as bride, the more...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Veal chop.
Veal chop who?
Veal chop around and see what bargains vee can pick up! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Veal chop!
Veal chop who?
Veal chop for some new clothes!

Relatives choked back tears,announcing that David Carradine will be having a Kung Funeral.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
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Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school more...