Chop Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.
The celery was like "Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!"
Then the carrot was like "You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!"
Then the dick said "Ya, well I got it the worst.
They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!"

A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. He came in after another 5 minutes and said " honey my hands are cold again". So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. 5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, "Honey my hands are cold again". She then said, "Damn how much longer until your ears get cold?"

Two young lovers decided to spend a romantic weekend up in the mountains. As soon as they arrived, the young man headed off to chop some wood. When he returned, he said, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
"Put them here between my legs," she replied. "That will warm them up."
After lunch, he went out to chop more wood and when he returned he groaned, "My hands are really freezing now."
"Well, honey, just put them here between my legs. That will warm them up," she said.
After dinner, he went back out to chop more wood for the night. When he returned, he said, "Man, my hands are really, really freezing!"
"Dammit," she exclaimed, "Don't your ears ever get cold?"

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!" She says again, "Well. put them between my thighs and warm them up again." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing." She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up." After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!" She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that'll warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter
vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm
them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and
says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them
up."
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them
through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands
are really, really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever
get cold?"