Cliff Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when
he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to
fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a
gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff. Full of fear
he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear
cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If
he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he
cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he
cried out but to no avail.
Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"
A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who is it?"
"It's the Lord"
"Can you help me?"
"Yes, I can help."
"Help me!"
"Let go."
Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"
"Let go. I will catch more...

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him. He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Again nobody answered. The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff." The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?" The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

There was a guy who wanted to teach his horse how to listen to him. So he took him to a horse breeder and paid 75$ for him to teach him how to do some stuff. The guy who he paid was a priest and he said priestwords to the horse. So one week after he dropped the horsse off, he came back and wanted to see if his horse had improved. The priest said, "
When you want him to go, you have to say "
praise the lord"
, and when you want him to stop, "
you have to say "
hail mary."
So he got on the horse and tried it out. He yelled praise the lord and the horse took off running. He was very impressed with the horse. He loked behind him to see how far he had gone and when he looked forward again he saw that he was coming up on a cliff. He forgot the word to stop and he started yelling out things like, Hail Sheryl and Hail John, and then he finally remembered and yelled Hail Mary. The horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. The guy more...

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.

At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."

PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives more...

A man was talked into going horseback riding--something he didn't want to do because he once dreamed he would die in the saddle. The owner of the stables told him that the horse he would be riding would, on its own, take him along the trails leading in and out of the forests, through the fields and eventually back to the stables.

The owner told the nervous rider that there were only two things he had to remember. The first was that if he wanted the horse to go forward, he had to say, "Thank God" and if he wanted the horse to stop, all he had to say was "Hallelujah".

About an hour into his ride, the horse suddenly bolted down a field which, at the end of the field, was a deep chasm in which the bottom was two hundred feet from the top of the cliff.

The rider yelled, "Whoa" but naturally that didn't work. As the horse was about to leap into the chasm, the rider yelled, "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped right at more...

Two guys are drinking at a bar on the edge of a cliff. The first guy turns to the second guy and says "I bet you a hundred bucks I can jump off the cliff and be back here uninjured in 15 minutes."

The second guy laughs and agrees to the bet. They walk out to the edge of the cliff where the first guy jumps and falls out of sight within seconds. The second guy walks back into the bar and continues to drink thinking he's won.

14 minutes later the first guy walks back into the bar unharmed. The second guy looks at him in amazement and asks "How the hell did you do that." The first guy looks at him and shrugs, "There's a draft, winds catch you bring you back up to the top of the cliff, pay up."

The second guy gives him the hundred bucks and says "Wow, I've got to try that." He walks out to the edge of the cliff, jumps, and dies when his body crashes to the ground.

The bartender looks at the first guy and more...

A blonde wanted to rent a horse the owner told her, "
To make the horse go you say Hallejuah to make it stop you say Amen."
The blonde got on the horse and said Hallejuah the horse went then the horse was coming to a cliff and the blonde forgot how to stop the horse so she said a prayer. When she said Amen the horse stopped, right at the edge of the cliff. So she said HALLEJUAH!!! And she fell off the cliff.