Condom Jokes / Recent Jokes
Democrats announced today they are changing their emblem from a donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks and gives a sense of security while screwing others.
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. Imagine the trademarks: Nike Condoms: - Just do It Toyota Condoms: - Oh what a feeling Ford Condoms: - The ride of your life Sony Condoms: - Do not underestimate the power of SonyMicrosoft Condoms: - Where do you want to go today? KFC Condoms: - Finger Licking Good M&Ms Condoms: - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands Coca-Cola Condom: - The Real ThingEver-Ready Condoms: - Keep going and goingMacintosh Condoms: - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple Pringles Condoms: - Once you pop, you can't stop
A wife said to her husband one day that they aren't going to have sex for one whole month, as a challenge for them both. And they are going to sleep naked to make it more difficult. Each night for that month the husband is really tempted to try. He kept doing nice things for her, like cleaning the house while she went grocery shopping. He tried walking his fingers up her side when they were in bed, which always used to work, but now every time he tried he got a slap. By the time the month was over, he was way past desperate. They spent the next year having sex six hours a day. The wife came to a conclusion- "I'll never do that again!" The end result- half the time they forgot to wear a condom, giving them eight unwanted kids. Moral: NEVER FORGET TO WEAR A CONDOM!!
What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, im going in.
1. A stained dress.
2. An open and empty condom wrapper.
3. A memo from Accounting Department requesting a meeting to review his recent purchases on the company credit card?
4. Nonchalantly drop lingerie and then kick it under the front of his desk (where he can't see it, but visitors can) early in the morning before an important meeting. Then, during the meeting, stare quizzically at the floor under his desk.
5. Thong, lace bra the morning after the company Christmas party.
6. First, simply hide pot seeds and watch as your clueless boss waters and nutures the plants daily. Second, watch as boss is escorted out of the building three months later by security.
7. 32 beepers, all stashed in different places. Borrow them from managers who are forced to wear them 24 hours a day. Page a different beeper every 15 minutes. This works especially well if you also switch his morning decaf with espresso.
8. Put a piece more...
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.
Imagine the trademarks:
Nike Condoms: - Just do It
Toyota Condoms: - Oh what a feeling
Ford Condoms: - The ride of your life
Sony Condoms: - Do not underestimate the power of Sony
Microsoft Condoms: - Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms: - Finger Licking Good
M&Ms Condoms: - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
Coca-Cola Condom: - The Real Thing
Ever-Ready Condoms: - Keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms: - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles Condoms: - Once you pop, you can't stop