Federation Jokes

More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship - yet.
Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
Hasn't quoted Shakespeare - yet.
Looks better in sleepwear.
Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
Isn't French with an English accent.
Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying
to convince them to behave better.
To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving more...

Q: How many members of the U. S. S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The Enterprise is transporting a stuffy, pompous Federation diplomat to a crucial peace conference when the bulb burns out. Scotty rigs up some odds and ends that will keep it burning for twenty-four hours but they need to get a replacement in that time. So the ship makes an emergency detour to Alpha Regula IV, the nearest planet with any known light bulb stocks. However, when Kirk, Spock, McCoy and three security men beam down, a Klingon ship appears, so Scotty warps the Enterprise out of orbit. Meanwhile, on the planet, two of the security men are killed by a sentient energy field and the other dies when a native throws a poisoned spear at him. Kirk, Spock and McCoy are taken prisoner by the natives, who mistakenly assume them to be in league with the energy field which has been killing them, too. Kirk realizes that they have tons of light bulbs which could be useful to the Federation, so he more...