Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, fuck, he's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck."
Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1) more...

Two 13 year old boys at work meet each other in the barn, and boy#1 says, "Okay, who's going to give every cow a blowjob/' Then, boy#2 says, "I will," and boy#1 agrees to help. Boy#1 goes and gets a blowdryer. Boy#2 promptly starts sucking the cows dicks. Boy#1 comes back with a blow dryer and asks, "What are you doing?" Boy#2 says that he's giving the cow a blow job. Boy#1 says, "Oh, ok," and starts to strip Boy#2 down, and boy#2 asks, "What are you doing?" Boy#1 says, "I'm starting a treesome." Then the cow came all over Boy#2s face. Boy#1 says, "Dang!" and instead, he goes over to another cow and looks at it. It's a female. Boy#1 getS a ladder, walks up behind the cow, and starts to fuck the cow. Boy#2 gets a bigger ladder, goes behind Boy#1, and starts fucking him. Boy#1 came in the cow's ass, and at the same time, Boy#2 came in Boy#1's ass. 9 months later, the female cow had a cowman. The the father of the boys went more...

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren. Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................ 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't more...

Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.

Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.


East Coast West Coast

absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review

ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust

punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that more...

A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string. He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam." Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy." Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam. The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand." One lady coming up." says the madam." And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy." Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean." The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam." One dirty girl, coming up," she says. The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?" The little boy looks the more...

one day there was this boy.
and his parents were fighting.
then the mother called the father a bastard and the father called mother a bitch.
after the fight the boy asked "whats a bastard and a bitch?" then mom replied: "bastard is a boy and a bitch is a girl."
then at night the boy took something from the pillow and said to the father "whats this?" then father said "its a condom!" the boy asked "whats it for?" father said:"its a coat."
then the other day mom was in the kitchen cutting the chicken then she cut herself then said "FUCK". boy said whats a fuck? mom said "its when you cut something."
then father shaving. then he cut himself and said "SHIT" then boy asked whats a shit? dad said "its when you cut something."
then the doorbell ranged and the boy answered it.
and the boy said: Welcome bitches and bastards! may i take your condom to hang them? my more...

A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area - Expected around $200, 000 in cash daily ). A man was chosen but never showed up with the cash. Mr. Big asked the guy in charge of finding the runner, "Where is my money." The man replied that he didn't know and said that he would find him. The man located the new runner and brought him to Mr. Big's office. Mr. Big said, "Where the fuck is my money? ". The runner looked puzzled and started talking in sign language. Mr. Big said, "What the fuck is this?" The man in charge of hiring the runner explained that he was deaf and dumb and was the only person that he could find to take the job. Mr. Big said, "Do you know how to read sign language?" The man said, " No, but I'll find someone who can. ". He comes back with a female interpreter and Mr. Big asks her to ask the runner where his money is. The girl starts asking him in sign language more...