Funny Ads Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign at a hotel. “Help! We need inn-experienced people. ”
Sign in a science teacher’s room: “If it moves, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics. ”
Sign in butchers window: “Pleased to meat you. ”
Sign on auto body shop: “May we have the next dents? ”
Sign at the dry cleaner’s window: “Drop your pants here. ”
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: “Reserved for plant manager. ”
Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: “The manager has personally passed all the water served here. ”
Sign in a Norwegian lounge: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. ”
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: “Please do not disturb further. ”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a scientist’s door: “Gone fission. ”
Sign in a taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff. ”
Sign in a podiatrist’s window: “Time wounds all heels. ”
Sign in a butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs. ”
Sign on used car lot: “Second hand cars in first crash condition. ”
Sign on fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. ”
Sign in a car dealership office: “The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. ”
Sign over a cannibal’s hut: “I never met a man I didn’t like. ”
Sign in a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming. ”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in a realtor’s office: “Lots for little. ”
Sign in a shoe store: “Come in and have a fit. ”
Sign in a maternity clothes store: “We are open on labor day. ”
Sign in a non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. ”
Sign on the door of the maternity ward: “Push Push Push. ”
Sign at entrance of the IRS: “Watch your step. ”
Sign at the exit of the IRS: “Watch your mouth. ”
Sign in a bookstore: “We treat you write. ”
Sign on a front door: “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. ”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Outside a country shop: “We buy junk and sell antiques. ”
In the window of an Oregon store: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here? ”
In a Maine restaurant: “Open 7 days a week and weekends. ”
In the vestry of a New England church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. ”
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. ”
On a roller coaster: “Watch your head. ”
On the grounds of a public school: “No trespassing without permission. ”
On a Tennessee highway: “When this sign is under water, this road is impassable. ”
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: “If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car. ”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church. ”
On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. ”
At a number of military bases: “Restricted to unauthorized personnel. ”
On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs. ”
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. ”
In a funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan. ”
In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks. ”
In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour! ”
On a shopping mall marquee: “Archery Tournament-Ears pierced”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
At a Santa Fe gas station: “We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. ”
In a New York restaurant: “Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. ”
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: “Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy”
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: “38 years on the same spot. ”
In a Los Angeles dance hall: “Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. ”
In a Florida maternity ward: “No children allowed. ”
In a New York drugstore: “We dispense with accuracy. ”
In the offices of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home. ”
In a New York medical building: “Mental Health Prevention Center”

On a ski lift in Taos, NM: ‘No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted. ’
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): ‘Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice’
A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let’s see who can go downhill the fastest.
Sign in King’s Canyon in California. ‘Slow Parking Ahead’
A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads: ’ Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!! ’
Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.
Seen in a health food store. “Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic more...