Guts Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The blonde suddenly has to go to the bathroom. So she went into the woods with her toiletpaper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and redhead decide to play a joke on her.They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the camp. A couple minutes later they hear a scream. They waited another half an hour and the blonde comes back sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out but thanks to god and these two fingers I stuffed them back in."

Once generals of U. S, France and India were going in a ship. They started debating that whose soldiers are more brave.
The U. S. general called his soildier and ordered him to take two rounds of the moving ship, they did as he was told and returned.
The proud general screamed "see the guts of my soldiers". then, the french called his soldier and ordered them to take four rounds of the moving ship, they also obeyed his command and returned.
The general screamed more loudly "See the guts of my soldier'then the Indian called his soldier and asked him to take ten rounds of the ship.
He screamed loudly "Am I a slave of your father"
At that moment the indian soldiers shouted "SEE THE GUTS OF MY SOLDIERS".

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! more...

We've all heard about people having' guts' or' balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, and being met by the wife, with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on her buttocks and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both result in an ultimately death!!!

Bob and Bo are hunting. Bob had a sever case of diarrhea so he decided to stay and rest up. Bo goes out and kills a big deer and guts it. He then thinks it would be funny if he laid the deers guts in Bob's sleeping bag so he does and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up the next morning and see's that Bob and the guts are gone. Then he notices Bob and asks how's he feeling. Bob says, "My diarrhea was so bad I crapped my guts out but with God's grace and these two fingers I got them all back in."

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning
for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his
back and gets up for work.
Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days,
you're gonna fart your guts out!"
One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and
gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs
and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling
to herself.
Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his
morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the
bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that
Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.
She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when
Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You
were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God
and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

there was a blonde brunette and a red head. they all decided to go camping. the blonde needed to shit really bad so she went in the woods. the red head and the brunette thought it would be a funny if they played a joke on her. so they cut open a squirrel and put its guts were the blonde was shitting at. they ran away b4 the blonde saw them. 5 minutes later they here a scream. 10 minutes later the blonde went to the brunette and the red head. the read head said "what happend" the blonde replied " well i shit so hard that i shit my guts out but thank got and these to finget i shoved them back in