Helicopter Jokes / Recent Jokes
It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...
This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures
Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land
Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the
case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into
exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they
employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers.
Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees
and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In
particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to
helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a
helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used
to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed
the mapped icon, the more...
A man stayed in his house as a flood engulfed his town. Two men in a
rowboat came to his house and offered to take him to safety. "No thank you",
the man said, "G-d will help me". As the waters rose, the man retreated to
the second story of his house. Now, two men in a motorboat came by and offered
to rescue him. Again, the man declined, saying, "No thank you, G-d will
help me." As the waters rose still higher, the man retreated again to the
rooftop of his house. A helicopter came by, and someone inside it threw down
a rope, urging the man to grab it and be pulled up into the helicopter. Once
more, the man declined and said, "No thank you, G-d will help me." Whereupon
a mighty voice called out to the man, "You idiot! I sent you a rowboat,
a motorboat, and now a helicopter. What more do you want me to do?".
1 When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
2 Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
3 Never trade luck for skill.
4 The three most common expressions (or, famous last words) in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?"; "Where are we?" and "Ooh Shit!"
5 Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
6 Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
7 Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
8 A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
9 I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
10 Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
11 If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, more...
In Virginia a helicopter was cruising fast at tree top level when the engine quit, too low to auto-rotate, the helicopter plunged into a small lake where three boys happened to be fishing.
The boys who were at the lake saw the whole thing happen. They swam to the site of the crash, looked in the wreckage and saw that the pilot and copilot were both dead. The lone passenger was unconscious and barely alive. They pulled him out, took him to shore, and gave him artificial
respiration - saving his life.
Within a few minutes there were several helicopters circling the area and one of them landed. A guy got out who seemed to be in charge and came up to the boys, he congratulated them for saving President Clinton!
"Boys," said the man, " you just saved the leader of our country! You each deserve a reward. You name it, and I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "I really want a pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
The man replied, "Michael more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said' WHERE AM I?' in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said' YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.' The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the' YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER' sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded' I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.'
A blonde wanted to start flying helicopters. For her first flight, only single helicopters were available. Her flight instructor figured this was okay, considering she had been a pilot before. The blonde had a successful take-off. At 1,000 feet she was fine. Same at 2,000 feet. But then, when she reached 3,000 feet, the helicopter stopped and crashed down. The blonde was fine, so the instructor asked her what happened. The blonde replied with, "Well, I got cold, so I turned off the ceiling fan!"