Homework Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February…!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
Where did knights learn to kill dragons?
At knight school!
Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead!
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A year older on his birthday!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload. An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!
Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It’s three in the afternoon!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Twelve-year-old Ralph comes home from school. His mother asks him, "Did you learn anthing today?"
Ralph says, "We learned all about sex education. Penises. Vaginas. You know, stuff."
Although his mother was shocked, Ralph calmed her down, "This is the nineties. Its all part of higher education, so relax."
Ralph goes up to his room and after an hour or so, his mom calls him to dinner. When he doesn't respond, she goes upstairs only to find him jerking off.
"Timmy, when you're done with your homework, dinner is on the table."
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny`s classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny`s mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny`s different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn`t understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."