Illinois Jokes / Recent Jokes

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:
It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
Willowdale, Oregon:
It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.
Oblong, Illinois:
It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)
Alexandria, Minnesota:
No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.
Ames, Iowa:
A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana:
Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.
Newcastle, Wyoming:
An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.Willowdale, Oregon:It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.Oblong, Illinois:It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)Alexandria, Minnesota:No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.Ames, Iowa:A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.Bozeman, Montana:Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.Newcastle, Wyoming:An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer.Illinois:A state law mandates that all bachelors should be called "master," not more...

A Illinois man who left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband.
P.S: Sure is hot down here.

In each of these examples, the actual name of the college is written first. Then, after each, spoofs are written about each college name.

Auburn University.
Brown University.
Chrome Yellow University.
Neon Pink University.

Northern Illinois University.
Southern Illinois University.
Eastern Illinois University.
Western Illinois University.
Northeastern Illinois University.
Northwestern Illinois University.
Southeastern Illinois University.
Southwestern Illinois University.
North-by-Northwestern Illinois University.

Yale University.
Cole University.
Weiser University.
Kwikset University.

Harvey Mudd College.
Roger Mudd College.
Harcourt Fenton Mudd College.
My Name Is Mudd College.

King`s College.
Queen`s College.
Jack`s College (formerly Knave`s College).
Ten`s College.
Ace`s College.

Texas A I University.
Texas more...

...the illinois dept of corrections has announced that approximately 100 inmates will be released early from prison...a spokesman said the prison will need the room to accommodate incoming elected officials.

...former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has found a new profession...author...Blagojevich has announced that he has written his first book...."The Complete Guide To Underachieving, From A-B".

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide more...