Implant Jokes

Joe has a problem, so he goes to his doctor. "Doctor, I don't seem to be able to get an erection. Can you help me?"
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "The problem you're having is because the muscles at the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you, unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment. What we would do is take the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk and implant them in your penis."
Joe thinks about it for a few minutes, then says, "Well, since I can't imagine going through life without ever having sex again, let's go fot it."
A few weeks after the surgery, the doctor gives Joe the green light to use his improved equipment. Excited, he plans a romantic evening with his girlfriend and takes her to one of the best restaurants in the city.
In the middle of dinner, Joe feels a stirring between his legs that continues to the point of being uncomfortable. Hoping to release the more...

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I'm having trouble getting my penis erect. Can you help me?". After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks, "What is the treatment?" "Well," the Doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of more...

A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers women the chance to experience orgasms with the press of a button. Tiny electrodes are implanted into the spine and a small signal generator in the skin close to the groin. The patient then controls the sensation with a handheld remote.

--- Side Effects of the New Orgasm Implant:

~ Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio Shack.

~ Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of orgasm related headlines.

~ Dad: now surfs with two remotes Mom: never complains

~ She never wants to cuddle anymore -- it's click, click, click, and she's out the door.

~ Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at $600 bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.

~ The Energizer Bunny keeps coming and coming...

~ "Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."

~ Finally, more...

BEAVERTON, OREGON - Intel Corporation announced a major expansion of its successful' Intel Inside' campaign with a new line of silicon breast implants.

'We thought this would be a natural market for us because of our unparalleled knowledge of silicon,' Intel spokesperson Duwane Marino told the tightly-packed audience at a press conference in the Teton Auditorium in Beaverton's Civic Center Building.' Besides, Intel has a wealth of experience forcing new technology on the mass market. We feel that we're the company that makes cosmetic upgrades a part of the average person's life.

Implant beta-test subject, actress and model Eirika Anderssen, stated that her career is 133% faster since receiving' Pointium-II' implants at the beginning of the year.' Intel Inside stacks up against the best of the others,' she said.

Industry experts agree that the Intel move will turn plenty of heads, but believe the market for the new Intel products will be soft through more...