Income Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tony died and was sent to be judged. He was told that he had cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money." They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos saw their friend Jon up ahead, with an absolutely drop more...

Income tax examiner: What's your husband's average income?
Wife: Oh, about midnight.

Income tax examiner: What's your husband's average income? Wife: Oh, about midnight.

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?" Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7. 00, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike). He'll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33, more...

The owner of a small deli was being questioned about his tax return by the IRS. On his return, he had reported a net profit of $75,000 for the year.
"I don't understand why you people don't leave me alone," said the deli owner. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year, and you want to know how I made $75,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent replied, "it's your deductions. You listed five trips to the Bahamas for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," replied the smiling owner. "I forgot to mention... we also deliver."

The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd"?
Michael Jordan made over $300, 000 a game. That equals $10, 000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game.
With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178, 100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $9. 50, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage.
He'd make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura SLX (about $90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He'd probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed around more...

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal
(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)
Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it's only a small step to the rest! For example:
As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.
You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and don't forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more more...