Iron Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hey, some real comics over there in S. Korea. John Joss just bought a
sportshirt made by a Korean firm called Heet, with these instructions:
For best results, wash in cold water separately, hang-dry
and iron with warm iron. For not so good results, drag
behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roof rack.
(from Herb Caen's column in San Francisco Chronicle of February 3, 1989)

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, 'You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED - you're in.'
The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.
Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang more...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sear's hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (... and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: more...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside".
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how... ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) "Do not turn upside down".
(Oops, too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(As night follows the day...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's more...

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well... duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (... and you thought????....)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough more...