Jill Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jill and Sarah were talking, when Jill said, "I must get to my doctor and have him renew the prescription for my birth control pills. I can't afford to get pregnant!"
"What do you mean?" Sarah asked. "I thought your husband had a vasectomy."
"He did," replied Jill. "That's why I can't afford to get pregnant!"

Jill phoned her husband, John, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said John, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."
Jill replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK darling," said John, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."
"Okay," agreed Jill. "Well, the air bag works...bye!"

A small business owner was faced with the problem that he needed to downsize his company. He added up all the receipts and discovered he could get by if he fired one of his employees. He looked in his files and saw that he had two new employees; one named Jill, and the other named Jack.
Because they had started on the same day at the same time, he wondered how he would make the decision on who to fire. Finally he decided that he would fire the first one he saw taking a break.
About ten minutes later he saw Jill leaning against the wall next to the water cooler. He left his office and walked over to her with a serious look on his face. He turned to her and said, "Jill, I have some rather bad news. It seems as though I'm going to either have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill looked at her employer and said, "Well, you're going to have to jack off. I have a headache."

There is a small business owner. He has two employees, Jack & Jill. Business is bad and he has to lay one of them off but is having a hard time deciding which one to let go.
He decides whichever of them leaves for lunch first gets it. Both of them stay and eat at their desks.
Then he decides that whoever leaves work first at the end of the day will be the one. They both get up and leave at the same time.
He has to let one go. Which one? Jill, it has to be Jill. The owner walks out to Jills car as she is about to get in and says, " Jill, I am trying to decide whether to lay you or Jack off. What do you think?"
Jill says, " You'd better just jack off. I am already late for an appointment."

Jill, a busy mother, was trying to pack for vacation. Her 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this!" and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, Jill reached out and stuck her daughter's fingers in her mouth and said, "Mommy's gonna eat your fingers!"
Pretending to eat them before she rushed out of the room again. When she returned, her daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a totally devastated look on her face. Jill said, "What's wrong, Honey?"
The little girl said, "Mommy, where's my booger?"
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'dhad the previous night with this bloke she brought home." Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked "The bastard called me a slut!" Mary said." And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked." I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eightmates with him!" Mary said.

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a fireside chat. He said “Jack let me tell you something, on my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and said to your mother ‘here try these on’ So she did and said ‘these are too big, I can’t wear them. ’ So I replied, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. ” Ever since that night we have never had any problems. ”
“Hmmm, ” said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
So on his honeymoon night Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, “Here try these on. ” So she does and says, “These are too large, they don’t fit me. ”
So Jack says, “Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don’t want you ever to forget it. ”
Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says “Here, you try mine on. ” so he does and says, “I can’t get into your pants. ” So Jill more...