Knickers Jokes

Two girls go out one weekend without their husbands and got somewhat inebriated.
Staggering on their way home, they both desperately need a wee and with no public toilets in sight the nearest venue was a cemetery, so they both ducked behind the fence to relieve themselves. After they'd
finished, the first woman took off her knickers to wipe herself and then
threw them away. The other woman, realising she was wearing some
very expensive knickers, didn't want to throw hers away and so looked
around for something else and decided on using the ribbon off a nearby
wreath.
So now, feeling a lot better, they carried on with their stagger home.
The following morning the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone. One commented, "I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives you know. I reckon they're up to no good. My wife came home last night without any knickers on!"
The other one replied, "Tell me about it! If you more...

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?

A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on".
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers" she said.
"That's right..." said the husband, "...and don't you ever forget it.
"I'm the man who wears the trousers in this family".
With that she flipped him her knickers and said "try these on".
He tried them on and found he could only get them as far as his knees.
"Hell...", he said "I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your f**king attitude changes"

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!" "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A. Nice tits!

Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's the difference between a muff-dive and a speed-trap?
A. With a muff-dive you always have a clear view of the cunt!!

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.

Q. What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers
A. You can only fit one cunt in a pair of knickers.

Q. What did Yul Brynner say to Freddy Mercury in heaven?
A. So the fags got you too! !

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q. What's the definition of a more...