New York City Jokes / Recent Jokes

Because of this God-awful heatwave there have been power outages all around New York City. Thankfully my neighborhood has power. Nothing I hate more than not having power. No TV, no air conditioning.
You wake up in the middle of the night and have to stumble to the bathroom in the dark. Then you're peeing and you realize, "This don't sound right." Turns out you're tinkling in the laundry basket. It's a nightmare.

Scientists in New Guinea have discovered a new species of giant rat.The creature, a ruthless predator, is believed to have migrated from Palm Beach and Manhattan’s Upper East Side, and has been registered underthe nomenclature Bernius Madoffius.

NYC - City council lawmakers plan to introduce a bill that would ban trans-fats in city eateries. The mayor wants to change the health code as a way to banish the unhealthy fats, which are artificially created and are used to make french fries, and increase food's shelf life.
Stan Poulos, an opponent of these plans said, "The government can't tell me what to eat; it's my right to consume harmful fats, even though replacing them doesn't affect taste and could lessen my chance of heart disease."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get home. I'm going to sit in my basement and breathe in lots of carbon monoxide. Because the last time I checked, this was still America."

A musical set to the songs of Bob Dylan will close less than a month after it opened on Broadway, the show's public relations firm said in a statement on Wednesday.

The biggest problem? The musical was set to the songs of Bob Dylan.

Authorities were investigating the source of a mysterious gas-like odor Monday that stretched across a large part of Manhattan."The smell was very strong. It was very scary," said Yolanda Van Gemd, an administrator at ASA, a business school near the Empire State Building that was evacuated as a precaution.
In August, seven people were treated at hospitals after a gaseous smell in the boroughs of Queens and Staten Island.
In December, five people were killed and thirty eight people suffered irreparable damage after a foul and mysterious odor encompassed L.A. county emanating from a club that was attended by young celebrities. Coincidentally this was the night Britney Spears was photographed with no underwear on.
"The smell was very strong. It was very scary," said Fred Martin, a homeless guy who was burning tires a few miles away from the club.

Workers across New York City were concerned today as a strange gas-like odor filled the air. A statement by the mayor's office attributed the odor to a gas leak in Chelsea, however, many anticipate an additonal statement by Donald Trump attributing it to Rosie O'Donnell.

I was in New York recently and discovered Bob Sagat is on Broadway! Shouldn't that raise the terror alert to "high"?