Newborn Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"

"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured."

"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?"

"Follow me, sir."

They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.

Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"

The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."

They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.

Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"

"No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."

Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all.

"Oh my God! more...

Q: What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
A: A Chain litter!

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?" "Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured." "Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" "Follow me, sir." They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms. Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please." They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs. Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?" "No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me." Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all." Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" "Not your child, sir. Follow me." One more room left in the hall. more...

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?""Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured.""Well, how bad is it? Can I see?""Follow me, sir."They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms. Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs. Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?""No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me."Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all."Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?""Not your child, sir. Follow me."One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith more...

Two elderly friends were sitting on a park bench in the evening time when one turns to the other asking,

"Bill, I''m 83 years old and I''m just full of aches and pains. I know you are about my age. How do you feel?''

Bill says, "I feel just like a newborn."

Rather amazed, his friend repeats his statement in the form of a question, "Really? A newborn?"

"Yeah", grins Bill," No teeth, No hair and I think I just wet my pants.

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork.If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.2. The alledged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child more...