Opera Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy playing trombone in the opera had a fantastic gig on the day he had to play in the opera. He tried to find a replacement but without success. Finally he went to his housekeeper and convinced him to do the replacement. "I give you my other trombone. You just look what is the guy next to you doing and it would be OK".
Next morning he asked the housekeeper how it was.
"Catastrophe. Your colleague sent also his housekeeper to replace him".
The opera singer Giovanni Rotondo, star of the Metropolitan during its Golden Age, is credited with making the following common-sense statement: "It is not wise to make love in the morning-you never know whom you'll meet later in the day."
When He Says - He Really Means
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Do you have the time? - to go to bedHello - Let's cut the talk and go have sex.How are you? - in bed, I mean.I'd like a discreet relationship. - I want sex, but I'm married.I'll be out of town for a few days. - I'll be spending time with with the wife.I'm a novelist. - I have 10 unpublished books.I'm coming off a long relationship. - My wife is divorcing me.I'm consulting. - I'm looking for a job.I'm divorced. - I just slipped off my wedding ring.I'm in television. - I fix them.I'm involved in banking. - I'm a bank guard.I'm self-employed. - I just got fired.I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. - I'm sorry I got caught.I'm thinking of relocating. - I can't find a job locally in this town.I can't leave my wife just yet..soon. - Be patient forever.I enjoy reading. - Playboy and Penthouse.I have the Midas touch. - I install mufflers.I like a woman who is intelligent. - As long as she acts like I'm smarter.I love opera. - I want sex, but I've seen more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Opera!
Opera who?
Opera-tunity, and you thought opportunity only knocked once!
Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup.Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.A: She was known as the deep C diva.Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice.Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell? Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One more...
There were three Chinese men that came to Australia. One went to a footy game and learnt the phrase "ohh yeah!". The other goes to a bakery and learns "Knife and Fork". The third man went to an Opera and learns "mee mee mee mee meeso". One day all three men arrive at a crime scene. The cop turns around and asks who did this. The guy who went to the Opera said "mee mee mee mee mee mee". The cop says what weapon did u use and the other guy said "Knife and Fork" and the cop says your going to jail for murder and the other guy says "ohh yeah"!