Pharmacy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! What is it that you put over your cigarette?"The other old lady said, "It's a condom.""A condom? Where do you get those?"The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?""One that would fit a Camel."
To: All university hospital nursing staff.
From: Administration/Groundskeeping
Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures.
Date: May 21,1997.
Effective August 1, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each
Charge Nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of
ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In
addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the
patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided
for patrolling the parking areas. In light of the similarity of
monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance
duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and
security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need
to let their families know to bring something, or make arrangements with
Subway, KFC, Dominos, etc. before more...
True story: A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store.
The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.
The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state,' Push up bottom to use.'
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks, “What for? ”
She responds, “I want to kill my husband. ”
He says, “Sorry, I can’t do that. ”
She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription…”
Submitted By Jester
One day, Sam hurt is arm.
He went to his friend, who was a doctor, and asked him what was wrong with it. "I can't tell what's wrong with it, but there is this new computer at the pharmacy. You put a urine sample into it, and it tells you what's wrong with you, and how to cure it," his friend says.
Sam decided to try it out. He pees in a cup, goes to the pharmacy, and finds the computer. He places his urine in the computer, and pushed enter.
The Computer made some noises, and soon printed out a small piece of paper. It read: You're arm is sprained. Wrap it in an ace bandage, take 2 motrin a day (see perscription below) and don't use it for 2 weeks.
As sam was walking home, he wondered if the computer could be fooled. He decided to test it. He took a sample of his wife's lipstick, a hair from his daughter's brush, water from his dog's bowl, and some of his boogers, and mixed it together. He brought it more...
This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent." So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says "Here, if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes". The next day, the same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black & blue, with skin hanging off in places. The man says "gimme a bottle of Deep Heat". To which the pharmacist replies "Deep Heat? You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?" The man replies "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up"!!!
A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy."
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back."
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in.
She starts to giggle and says, "Have you decided on the appropriate size?"
"Screw the more...