Polar Jokes / Recent Jokes

The History of Santa Claus - Part 1
======================
== The Untold Story ==
======================
1689
Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and
establishes a small base camp.
1691
Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew
abandons him.
1692
Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds
he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703
Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact.
1704
Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to
increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar
base.
1705
Claus returns again to more...

One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, "Mom? Am I a polar bear?"
"Well of course son!"
The cub replied, "You’re sure I'm not a panda bear or a black bear?"
"No, of course not. Now run outside and play."
But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.
The cub asks, "Dad, am I a polar bear?"
"Why of course son!" the papa polar bear gruffly replies.
The cub continues, "I don't have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?"
"No son. I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?"
"Because I'm freezing my BUTT off!!"

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed.
2. All Polar Bears are left-handed.
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar Bear.
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles.
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles.
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight.
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second.
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second.
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant.

LETTER HOME
"Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear..."
v
Several months later came another letter. "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl..."
Two weeks later came yet another note. "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl..."

Q. How do you catch a polar bear?
A. You need an ice saw, a can of peas, and a can opener.
To trap the bear, first cut a hole in the ice with the saw. Then open the can of peas with the can opener. Then spread the peas all around the hole. Now when the bear comes over to take a pea, you shoot him in the ice hole!

How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!

How to catch a polar bear:Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!