Question And Answers Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the best xmas present in the world?
A: broken drum You cant beat it!
Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
A: Deep and crisp and even!!
Q: How do you make opening your christmas presents last longer?
A: Open them with boxing gloves on!
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It is Christmas, Eve!
Q: What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
A: The letter D!
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: Why is it difficult to keep a secret at the North Pole?
A: Because your teeth chatter.
Q: Why can only tiny fairies sit under toadstools?
A: Because there is not mushroom.
Q: Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A: mince spy!
Q: What did Cinderella sing when her photographs weren't ready?
A: Some day my prints will come.. . . .
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts"!
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.
Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.
Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it " soots " him!
Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true. . . Comet cleans sinks!
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because more...
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
A: Tell him a joke on Christmas more...
Q: Who delievers cat’s Christmas presents?
A: Santa Paws!
Q: Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
A: Because it soots him!
Q: Who delievers elephants’s Christmas presents?
A: Elephanta Claus!
Q: How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
A: Stacks!
Q: Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
A: Because he’s Sooty!
Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
Q: Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
A: Now thats what you call pot luck!
Q: What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause!
Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: What's Santa Claus's favorite cable program?
A: St. Nick at Nite
Q: Where do giant Eskimos live?
A: Bigloos.
Q: What does a cat get when it is walking on a beach Christmas Eve?
A: Sandy Claws
Q: Who is the reindeer with the worst manners?
A: Rudolph (Rude-olph)
Q: Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Olive?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.