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OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We`ll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly more...
The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...
The FEMALE always makes the rules.
The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification... by the FEMALE.
No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The Male is expected to "mind read" at all more...
One young man went for an ias interview.
When did india get independence? he was asked. the efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947 he replied. who was responsible for our independence? there were so many. Whom to mention?. if i name one it will be a injustice to another. he replied. is corruption the number one enemy in our country? Some research is going on the subject and i can answer with certainly only after seeing the report he replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful
Answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they
Were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally
Others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but
One persistent sardar would not leave him.
At least tell me the answers he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then
It was the turn of this sardar. When he went inside, since his more...
. THE FEMALE MAKES ALL THE RULES
A. The rules are subject to change at any time without notice.
B. No male can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with knowledge.
C. If the female is wrong suspects the male knows anny of the rules, she may immediately change any or all of the rules.
2. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG
A. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which is a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
B. If rule No 2A applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
3. THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME
A. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
4. THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME
A. The male must remain at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or more...
For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or more...
For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.1. The female always makes the rules.2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.3. No male can possibly know all the rules.4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.5. The female is never wrong.6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know more...