Reverend Jokes / Recent Jokes

A local preacher was unhappy with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he should try hypnotizing the congregation into giving more.
"How would I go about doing something like that?" the preacher asked.
"It's quite simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that the church is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."
So, the following Sunday, the reverend did as suggested and, lo and behold, the collection plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday, so he waited for a couple of weeks and tried his mass hypnosis again.
Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud. more...

Jesse Jackson is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Reverend Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.
"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
Rev. Jackson searches the room. more...

Ma and Pa were sitting in their rocking chairs, listening to Reverend Jeb on the radio. The Reverend said, "Place your left hand on the part of your body you wish to be healed, raise your right hand and say, 'I believe! I believe!' and you shall be healed."
Ma placed her left hand inside her blouse over her tired old heart and lungs, raised her right hand and shouted, "I believe! I believe!"
Pa looked over at her like she had lost her mind, but Ma began breathing nice and easy, her old wheeze was gone, the color had returned to her cheeks and she started rocking twice as fast as before.
Shrugging his shoulders, Pa quickly put his left hand down the front of his pants and as he began to raise his right hand, Ma looked over at him and said, "Pa, the Reverend said 'Heal', not raise the dead!"

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If youll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven." "I dont think Ill be there," the boy said. "You dont even know your way to the post office."

The farmer had borrowed a bull from a neighbor to service his two cows. He put the beast in the pasture and instructed his son to keep an eye on them. "As soon as the bull has finished, you come up to the house and tell me," he said.
When the farmer got back to the house, he found the Reverend there paying a social call. They were seated in the front room sipping tea when the boy burst in the door.
"Dad, Dad," he exclaimed, "the bull just--------the brown cow!"
Greatly embarrassed, the farmer took his son outside. "Is that any way to talk in front of the Reverend?" he demanded. "Why couldn't you have said the bull' surprised' the brown cow? I would've understood. Now go back down to the pasture and come tell me when the bull is finished."
A few minutes later the boy again burst into the room. "Dad, Dad-" he exclaimed.
Fearing another breach of verbal etiquette, the father interrupted.
"I more...

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you? The Lord sighed, and said, No, I guess not. Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked more...

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small
congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly.

"This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't
you let me take you home?"
you let me take you home?"

"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to
weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had
had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to
steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and
tumbled to the floor. After rolling around more...