Rick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, bought a soda and stood by his car drinking it. As he relaxed, he watched two men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled the hole in. While one would dig a new hole, the other man would fill in the previous one. The men worked right past the fellow with the soda and continued on down the road.
Filled with curiousity, the fellow headed down the road toward the two men. "Could you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" he asked.
"We're county government workers," one replied.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. It doesn't look like you're accomplishing anything, except maybe wasting the taxpayers' money," the fellow said.
"Well, sir, usually there are three of us - myself, Rick and Mitch," one of the men explained. more...

This story I heard from a friend of mine. I hope you like it.
My happily married friend of 30 had a quick witted six year old named bobby. Rick, the father made a father-son outting out of going to the local market. Everytime they went, Rick would bring his son pick out a piece of candy, or snack.
Holloween came around, and all the stores put out those little bags of chocolate coins. So when Rick would go to the market, he let his son pick out any bag he wanted. The bag had mixed big and small chocolate coins covered in gold foil wrapping. When they got home, little Bobby would always share with his dad. And like any good father, Rick always took the small ones, and left the big ones for bobby.
So a few weeks had passed, and Rick made an early evening trip to the market, and bobby caught him out the door and begged and pleaded to tag along. When they got there, bobby went searching for his candy. When he passed the isle closest to the register, he caught a glimpse of what more...

2 co-workers DAVE and RICK were having lunch when dave sais..RICK...YA NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST SIGNED UP FOR? rick sais...WHATS THAT? dave sais PARACHUTE JUMPING. rick laughs and sais,,, YA SILLY OLD FOOL...YUR ALMOST 65, SCARED OF HEIGHTS..WHY THAT? dave adds THE WIFE SAIS WHEN WE RETIRE NEXT YEAR SHE WANTS US TO TRAVEL THE WORLD. rick sais...SO WHEN DOES ALL THIS HAPPEN? dave sais...I LEAVE TOMOROW FOR 3 WEEKS....ILL SEE YA WHEN I GET BACK 2 weeks later rick steps into the lunchroom and finds dave eating his lunch and yells...DAVE BUDDY...THOUGHT YA SAID YA WOULD BE GONE FOR 3 WEEKS? dave looks up and sais...WELL...IT DIDNT GO AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT. rick sais...OH SO WHAT HAPPENED? dave sais....WELL AFTER THE FIRST WEEK OF INCLASS WE ALL WENT UP IN THE PLANE AND WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO JUMP....I GOT TOO SICK TO MY STOMACH. rick sais....SO WHAT THEY SAY? dave adds....MORE CLASSROOM TIME...SO THE SECOND TIME I GOT UP THERE... I WAS SICK AGAIN. rick sais....SO THEY THREW YA OUT? dave more...

I have two sons who are at opposite poles on the military issue. Rick thinks the military exists "only to kill people" and says so at every chance he gets.

Mike thinks the military is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and plans to make it his career. Needless to say, when they get together, sparks fly.

A recent interchange went something like this:

Rick: "`Military intelligence` is a contradiction in terms."

Mike: "No more than `civilian worker`."

Bear hunter- Joe
Talking bear- Rick
Joe went into the woods to hunt down a bear. After searching for an hour or two he came across a beautiful golden brown bear. Joe snuck up on him and shot him. He tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck Rick came in front of him and said, "Now, Joe, you just shot there my poor little brother. Now I can either beat you like crazy for doing that, or you can have sex with me." Joe thought about this for a moment or two. He didn't like the first option so he chose to have sex with Rick.
Two weeks later Joe went back out into the woods, a little sore, and went looking for another bear to hunt down. He came across a beautiful golden brown bear. It was a bit bigger than the last one so he shot it. Joe tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck he ran into Rick again. Rick said, "Now, Joe, you just there shot my mother. I can either beat you like crazy for doing that or more...

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked the problem on his calculator (he KNEW he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

Two Virginia boys, Sonny and Rick, went out hunting and split up. Sonny heard some rustling in the bushes and, by mistake, shot his friend. After trying to remove the bullet, he carried Rick to a doctor. Two hours later, after the physician had patched up the wounded hunter, Sonny asked, "Please, Doc. How's my friend?" "Well," answered the M.D., "he'd be a lot better off if you hadn't taken out his gut!"