Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thanks to Jim from Florida for the Joke.
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After eating the sandwich, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter, and prepares to leave.
The manager shouts, "Where are you going? You ate your food, shot my waiter, and now you're leaving without paying!"
The panda responds, "I am a panda - that's what pandas do. If you don't believe me, look it up."
With that, the panda slammed a dictionary on the table and exited the restaurant.
The manager, being curious, grabbed the dictionary and checked the definition for a panda. He read, "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U. S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many “Big Mac” hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany’s leading institutes.
The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald’s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies’ relative purchasing power.
The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, “baskets” of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.
A simple alternative, now that McDonald’s has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.
“A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just more...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:------------------------------------- Cheese Sandwich: $1. 50 Chicken Sandwich: $2. 50 Hand Job: $10. 00 -------------------------------------Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to thebar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondesserving drinks to an eager-looking group of men." Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food." The panda bear turns around and says, "Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich and the bartender brings him a sandwich
The Koala eats the sandwich and gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, an proceeds to walk out of the bar.
The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "hey who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think your going!
The Koala replies, "Hey I'm a Koala. Look it up."
The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala: "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."

Theres a fly 6 inches above water and theres a fish under water about to get the fly, a bear about to get the fish, a hunter about to shoot the bear, a mouse looking at a sandwich in the hunters pocket, and a cat about to eat the mouse. The fly drops 6 inches the fish mises the fly, the bear mises the fish, the hunter mises the bear, the mouse gets the sandwich, and the cat misses the mouse and falls into the water. The moral of the story is once a fly drops 6 inches the pussy always gets wet.