Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
There's a fly flying above a river. A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, "If that fly drops six inches, I can jump up and have that fly."
However, waiting on the bank in some bushes is a bear. This bear thinks to himself, "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for the fly, and I can have that fish."
While the bear is thinking this, a hunter with a shotgun, and a cheese sandwich in his pocket, sneaks up behind the bear and thinks to himself, "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can have the bear as a trophy."
While the hunter is thinking this, a mouse creeps out of the grass and thinks to himself, "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, the hunter will go for the bear, and I can have the cheese sandwich that falls out of his pocket."
While the mouse is thinking this, a cat comes close behind more...
Fun in the bar
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:
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| Cheese Sandwich: $1. 50 |
| Chicken Sandwich: $2. 50 |
| Hand Job: $10. 00 |
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
A farmer was sitting on the bottom step of his porch eating a sandwich when a hen zoomed by with a rooster in hot pursuit.
Suddenly, the rooster slammed on the brakes, slid to a halt and began pecking at the crumbs from the sandwich.
"Darn," muttered the farmer, "hope I never get THAT hungry!"
Fortunately for the woman it was a pastrami on rye and not a knuckle sandwich.
There were three guys, a mexican, a black guy, and a white guy. They all worked on a sky scrapers and they ate their lunch on a beam high above. well one day they all sat down to eat their lunch and the white guy got to thinking and he said "you know, im getting sick of bologna and cheese sandwiches. if i open this lunch box and get a bologna and cheese sandwich again im going to jump of here." sure enough he opens it and there is a bologna and cheese sandwich, so he jumps off and dies. Then the black guy got to thinking and he said: "you know that white boy is right! im getting sick of fried chitlens, if i open this lunch pail and i get friend chitlens im jumping of this building." sure enough it was fried chitlens so he jumps of and dies! Then the mexican says: "you know those guys are right. Im sick of Tacos and refried beans, if i get tacos and refried beans again im jumping off this building." sure enough it was tacos and refried beans so he jumps more...
(This is a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, more...