Sexual Jokes / Recent Jokes
Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual "equipment." Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this: * Warning: These cigarettes are king size - how about you? * Warning: Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller. * Warning: If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you. * Warning: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon. * Warning: Smoke rises, but you may not. * Warning: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children - That is.. if you're capable of conceiving any. * Warning: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff - so do you. * Warning: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there's no before? * Warning: The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub. * Warning: Don't throw lit more...
Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual "equipment."
Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this:
* Warning!: These cigarettes are king size - how about you?
* Warning!: Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller.
* Warning!: If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.
* Warning!: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.
* Warning!: Smoke rises, but you may not.
* Warning!: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children - That is... if you're capable of conceiving any.
* Warning!: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff - so do you.
* Warning!: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there's no before?
* Warning!: The only thing left after a more...
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother.
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide more...
On Appearance
Excessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris...a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs.
Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male.
T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head.
Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable.
On Dating
If you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to more...
A High School teacher was giving his class a difficult assignment, he stressed the importance of this particular assignment. He said that no excuses would be accepted, unless there was an illness-with a doctor's note; or a death in the family-with a death certificate. One of his smart-ass students pipes up, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds "Well, I guess in that event, You'll have to figure out how to write your assignment with your other hand."
A market researcher called at a house and his knockwas answered by a young woman with three smallchildren running around her. He asked her if she mindedreplying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products wasVaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked ifshe used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewerwas amazed. He said, "I always ask that question becauseeveryone uses our product and they always say they useit for the childs bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; butI know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since youvebeen so frank, could you tell me exactly how you useit?""Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."