Sexual Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

A woman works in an office setting. Every morning a man she works with comes in and sticks his nose in her hair, backs away and exclaims, "Boy, your hair smells GREAT!"
This became a regular occurrence, and began to annoy the woman. Day after day this went on. Finally she decided to report him to the Director of Human resources. She said to him, "I would like to file a sexual harassment charge!"
"What do you base this on?" replied the HR Manager.
"Well, you see, every morning a man I work with comes in and sticks his nose in my hair, backs away and exclaims' Boy, your hair smells GREAT!'"
"I'm afraid that this doesn't sound like much of a case," said the HR.
"Well, would it bolster my case if you knew the guy was a midget?" retorted the woman.

On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris... a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs. Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male. T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head. Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable. On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him.. If you more...

LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage.
ARCHITECT: A guy not "macho" enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer.
TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.
BRAIN: An organ that allows us to think we think.
BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an idiot guided by an idiot dressed like a child.
HEADACHE: A woman's most trustworthy modern contraceptive.
BUST: Statue of a man without hands or the parts of a woman where a man's hands have been.
ORAL EXAM: A test you must pass to become an intern in the White house.
A POLITICAL CANDIDATE: A person who gets money form the rich and votes from the poor in order to protect them from each other.
TONGUE: A sexual organ that some degenerates use in order to speak.
PRIEST: A person everyone calls "Father" except for his own children, who call more...

With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's
sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
Here are a few of the new ones:
Directra: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car
trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they
got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
Projectra: Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely
to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new
one.
Complimentra: In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new
clothing.
Buyagra: Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge
to buy their sweeties expensive jewellery and gifts after taking this
drug for only two days. more...

With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
Here are a few of the new ones:
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewellery and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can more...

These are some memos found in the trash behind the primary building of
the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetents) in Washington, D.C. They're
probably classified information, and possession of them on your computer
system no doubt is considered a federal offense. Enjoy!
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
This small Wacko cult isn't giving in. Do you have any instructions?
Agent 2x3276
>To: ATF Agent 2x3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Try playing "Feelings" over and over again 24 hours a day. That should
get the point across.
The Director
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, playing "Feelings" over
and over again 24 hours a day has succeeded only in convincing the Wacko folks
that the end of the world is at hand. They're a bit less cooperative now.
Any more more...