Silicon Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man wanting to buy a monkey entered a Silicon Valley Pet Shop. The shop owner pointed him to three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The monkey on the left is $500," said the shop owner. "Why so much?" asked the man.
"Well, that one can program in C," replied the owner.
The man then looked at the next monkey. "That one there is $1500 because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology," explained the owner.
The man then asked about the third monkey. "Oh, that one is $3000," answered the owner.
"What! $3000! What can that one do?" exclaimed the man.
"In all honesty," the owner replied, "I've never seen it do a single thing, but it does call itself a Consultant."
WOMBAT:
Stands for "Waste of Money, Brains and Time". Suitable for describing a person, product or project.
Code 18:
An error made by the user. Refers to the 18 inches that separate a user's face from the computer display.
Lasagna Syndrome:
Writing a piece of software with so many overlapping dialog boxes that it's nearly impossible to complete a task.
Nerd Bird:
Any weekday direct airline flight between another U.S. city and San Jose, California. These flights are typically over-populated with engineers and technical types, so a good amount of job seeking and rumor-milling occurs during each run.
Waldo:
A demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
Booth Bunny:
The attractive women staffing the booths at tradeshows that do not work for the main company represented and have no technical knowledge whatsoever.
Triority:
The three things your manager would have you do at once.
I/O more...
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Silicon Valley Mottos:
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W I N N E R
Where quality is Job One-Point-One
Maurice Herlihy
H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S
''It Compiles. Ship It''
Doug Sheppard
Artificial intelligence-when you just can't get the real thing
Nancy Ott
Sleep is for the weak
Robert Zazueta
I came, I saw, IPO
Andy Halushka
Go Public or Perish
John R. Wodziak
If at first you don't succeed, go for a second round
Rex Hill
Where the world comes to pay more for housing
Dana Spradley
Give me your contract-hired, your poor-before, your not-so-subtle badasses
Kimberly Green
Spinning sand into gold
Sue Clark
Lies, damned lies, and market caps
Alex Strasheim
Silicon Valley: commute, compute, commute
David Kenney
Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the more...
BEAVERTON, OREGON - Intel Corporation announced a major expansion of its successful' Intel Inside' campaign with a new line of silicon breast implants.
'We thought this would be a natural market for us because of our unparalleled knowledge of silicon,' Intel spokesperson Duwane Marino told the tightly-packed audience at a press conference in the Teton Auditorium in Beaverton's Civic Center Building.' Besides, Intel has a wealth of experience forcing new technology on the mass market. We feel that we're the company that makes cosmetic upgrades a part of the average person's life.
Implant beta-test subject, actress and model Eirika Anderssen, stated that her career is 133% faster since receiving' Pointium-II' implants at the beginning of the year.' Intel Inside stacks up against the best of the others,' she said.
Industry experts agree that the Intel move will turn plenty of heads, but believe the market for the new Intel products will be soft through more...
THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle even the most more...
In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials.
So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on Little Susie .
Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Ferrari."
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnnie.
Little Johnnie stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnnie?"
He responded by saying, "because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
Had they spoken Computer lingo, this would be what the Sri Lankan political leaders might be saying:
Chandrika Kumaratunge: Why should I be the one who gets all the blaming whenever the computer goes down? UNP had misused it for 17 years and when given to me, it was in a real bad shape. See what I have done to improve its performance within just four years. Haven't I fixed a brand new screen filter? Haven't I given it a brand new mouse pad?
Ranil Wickremasinghe: She promised a Pentium and gave you a damn 286; She promised a 56k modem and gave only an outdated 14. 4k one; She promised 64MB RAM and now tells you to be satisfied with 8MB. So why don't you vote for me? I'll give everyone of you a brand new Pentium III with grand multimedia kits.
Anura Bandaranaike: That blue computer sucks. It has no processing power at all. The only working part it has is its' MOTHER BOARD'.
Wimal Weerawansa(JVP): As a party, JVP vehemently opposes violence. We do not even allow our more...