Sleeping Jokes / Recent Jokes
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to." 13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper" 12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance" 9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. 8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress." 7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 6. "The coffee machine is broken...." 5. "Someone must've put decaf in the more...
Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera? Cause it's the same tired old plot, year in and year out.
1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How more...
T'was the night before Christmas
I just couldn't sleep.
So I hopped out of bed
and downstairs I did creep.
I went to the kitchen
in search of a bite.
If I filled up my stomach,
perhaps I'd sleep tight.
The cupboard was empty
the fridge, it was bare.
I searched but I couldn't
find food anywhere.
I looked out the window:
Streets covered with snow;
at two in the morning
just where could I go?
I spied my computer,
I just go bootup that.
I'll take me online
for some Christmas Eve chat.
The modem connected
without a delay!
In the blink of an eye,
I'd be chatting away.
But-----no voice bid me "Welcome"
or said: "You've got mail."
And I thought now's a bad time
for my sound card to fail.
My buddy list opened
with not even one name.
Is everyone sleeping?
Well, I'll go play a more...
1 Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot
2 This is just a 15 minute power nap like they faved about in that time management course you sent me to
3 I was working smarter --- not harder
4 Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper
5 Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm
6 This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people
7 I was testing the keybord for droo;-resistance
8 It worked for Reagan, didn't it?
9 Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off
10 I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend
11 This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dremt abuot work
12 I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice more...