Soap Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young boy went into the store to buy a large box of laundry soap. When asked what he was going to use it for he said he wanted to wash his dog.
"Heavens no, don't do that, that soap will kill your dog!" the clerk told the young boy.
Not paying any attention to the clerk, the boy made his purchase and headed home.
Some weeks later the clerk saw the young boy again and inquired how his dog was. "My poor dog is dead," said the boy.
"Didn't I tell you not to use that soap on your dog. I told you it would kill him!" replied the clerk.
"Oh no," said the boy, "I don't think the soap was the problem. I'm sure it was the spin cycle that killed him."

A young priest was visiting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn't have any soap. He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him. He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue. When the nuns came to him, one said, ''Look! A new soap dispenser!'' Another said, ''How you get the soap?'' So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ''Look! I got a bar of soap!'' said the nun. The second nun pulled on his dick.
''Look! I got liquid soap!' '

Which villains steal soap from the bath? Robber ducks.

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were
the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father."
"They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -
"Here Soap! Here Water!"

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes werethe dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life."Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father.""They're as clean as soap and water could get them."He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -"Here Soap! Here Water!"

What is Martha Stewarts favorite new soap opera?
One Life To Shiv!

Martha Stewart vs Me...Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and more...