Soap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Ever notice a theme in company names? If it's a single somewhat aristocratic sounding name such as "Bogglesworth of London, Est. 1793", they're most likely a tea, coffee, or wine importer. If it's two names, such as Gilchrist & Soames or Avalon & Gray, they seem to deal with soap, skin care, or clothing products. If it's three names, it's an insurance firm or small law firm. If it's four names, it's an upper tier law firm. If it's five names, it's a small law firm that's merged with a soap company.

One morning, two priests head for the showers. It isn't until they're undressed and in the showers, that they realize they didn't bring any soap. Father George decides he'll run back for the soap. Rather than taking the time to get dressed, he peaks out into the hallway, sees there's no one around, and decides to make a run for it.
He grabs the two bars of soap, checks the hall before heading back to the showers, sees it's all clear and makes a run for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking toward him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he's a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most life-like statue you've ever seen?" She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's pecker. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
"Oh Heavens," she exclaims, "I more...

SUBJECT: Soap Saga
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank
you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should
change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which more...

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods that can be found today being sold in stores nationwide:

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair)



2. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how.. . ? )



3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)



4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)



5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(Hmm. . . . )



6. On more...