Tick Jokes / Recent Jokes
Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go' tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes' tick... tick... tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"
PROGRAMMER'S POEM! *''# ^"`$$-! *=@$_ %* ~#4 &[]../ |{,, SYSTEM HALTED The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit: Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat equal at dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka tilde number four, Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.
There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick - Tock" over and over. After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of him. An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn't even do. The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, "Tick...Tick...Tick..." The German officer in charge went up to him and said, "You thinks you iss so schmart! But I'm telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"
What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went' tick, tick, tick'?'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'
Q:What is the difference between a tick and
AOL?
A: A tick falls off when you die!
!*' ' #
^''`$$-
!*=@$_
%*~#4
&[]../
|{,,SYSTEM HALTED
To read out loud...:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick dash
Caret quote backtick dollar dollar dash
Bang splat equals at dollar underscore
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash
Pipe curly-bracket comma comma crash