Youse Jokes / Recent Jokes

My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishesNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa. I picked up this card from a slim selectionBut that's all they offer here in witness protection. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead? The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one lookYou'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook! Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him more...

Santa "The Claw" Claus looked down the table at the other mafia bosses. All the families were represented. Gambino, Genovisse, Corleone, Luciano, even the Sinatras put in an appearance. Santa motioned for one of the black-suited elves to hand him the paper he was holding.
"This is how's it going to be, see," said Santa, "Mrs. Claus and me are sick of youse guys moving in on our turf." He read from the paper, "Gambino: Naughty. Genovisse: Naughty. Corleone: Naughty. Luciano: Naughty. Frank Sinatra: Nice, the rest of the Sinatras: Naughty."
"He made the list and checked it twice," intoned the elf.


"Youse naughty punks are going to get the hell out of Dodge," said Santa, "Me and Frank are runnings things now."
"You can't do this," shouted Don Corleone, leaping from his seat, "My boys'll murderize ya!"
"I don't think so," said the elf, "Hope you more...

My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.

I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.

I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.

Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.

Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.

Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?

The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!

Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.

Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your more...

My love for you...
it came and went.
So your feet are now
in wet cement.

I'm here to fulfill your fondest wishes-
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

Lie down with me-
It's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit'
Jimmy Hoffa.

I picked up this card
from a slim selection,
But that's all they offer
in witness protection.

I've waited so long for you to be mine!
Now that Sinatra's dead, be *my* Valentine.

Be my Valentine...
and we can do it execution-style.

Cinderella got her fella,
with a slipper made of glass.
So please be mine, Valentine,
or I'll have to whack your ass.

Violets are blue,
roses are red.
I blew up your car-
So why ain't you dead?

The day we met, my little pet,
I knew with just one look,
You'd bear a son, and now that's done,
So shut your mouth and more...

My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishesNow that your husband sleeps with the fishes.Lie down with me - it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.I picked up this card from a slim selectionBut that's all they offer here in witness protection.Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car - So why ain't you dead? The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one lookYou'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook! Youse da greatest. Youse da best.But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye - that's more...