Batsman Jokes / Recent Jokes

The fast bowler hit the batsman on the head and the batsman danced around in agony, clutching his foot. The opposing captain ran up to help and then said,' Wait a minute. You were hit on the head. Why are you holding your foot?'

'My corn's giving me hell!' moaned the batsman.

The famous batsman had been in all day. Nothing the home side could do had any effect. As the day's play drew to a close, and the batsman scored two hundred, they were at their wits end.

Then a voice rang out from the crowd:' Send for the fire brigade-that'll put him out!'

The batsman said to the bowler,' Give me an easy one, will you? I bet a fellow in the crowd five pounds that I'd score four runs.'

The bowler did so and the batsman hit it to the boundary. Straight away, he walked for the pavilion.

'You're not out,' said the bowler,' Where are you going?'

The batsman yelled back:' I'm going to find the chap who bet me!'

During the game, the batsman noticed that the splice was coming out of his bat. In his small village, he was at a loss where to take it to be repaired. Finally, he decided that the blacksmith might do the job and went along to ask.

'Splice coming loose, eh?' said the blacksmith.' I get a lot of you chaps in here. I'll have it fixed in a minute.'

He put the bat on the anvil, took an enormous hammer and gave it a mighty smash. The bat was as good as new.

'Marvellous!' enthused the batsman.' How much do I owe you?'

'Let's say a fiver, eh?'

'A fiver? All you did was hit it with a hammer.

'I'll make you out a bill,' said the blacksmith.

He scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it over. The batsman read: To hitting bat with hammer 10 pence. For knowing were to hit 4. 90 pounds.

IT HURTS... BUT IT'S TRUE.....
>------------------------------
>Q. Who is the best Sri Lankan batsman on the current tour?
>A. Muttiah Muralitharan
>
>Q. What is the height of optimism?
>A. A Sri Lankan batsman putting on sunscreen.
>
>Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was Sri Lankan?
>A. An all-rounder.
>
>Q. What is the main function of the Sri Lankan coach?
>A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
>
>Q. Why is Upul Chandana the unluckiest bowler on tour?
>A. Because he was born in Sri Lanka.
>
>Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of a hat-trick?
>A. Three runs in three balls.
>
>Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of a maiden over?
>A. Sarita Rajendran now De Silva (Aravinda's wife).
>
>Q. When does the ball travel at its fastest in this world cup?
>A. An Eric Upashantha delivery flying towards the boundary.
>
>Q. Why don't Sri Lankan more...

In a remote Yorkshire village, the crowd were aghast when the batsman appeared wearing pads and swimming trunks. The umpire called him over.

'What's the meaning of this?' he demanded.

'Well,' said the batsman,' the captain told me to' ave a dip!'

The batsman was new to the side, and in his first innings he did so badly that the crowd began to slow hand-clap and barrack him. Things got worse. The language got more and more abusive, his play-more inept, and finally he was out. As he dashed for the pavilion, rotten fruit and eggs were thrown at him, but he managed to gain the- safety of the dressing-room, where the captain was waiting for him.

'Blimey!' panted the batsman,' they don't like that umpire, do they?'