Farting Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day in a small village there lived a tribe which had leaders who farted. There was a chief who had suddenly stopped farting. So the chief tells his servent to go to the doctor and get some farting pills. The first day the servent goes to the doctor and says "doctor doctor big chief no fart" So the doctor sends him off with 3 pills > the second day the servent comes upto the doctor and says "doctor doctor big chief no fart" so the doctor sends him of with 10 pills > the next day the servent comes back and says "doctor doctor big chief no fart" So the doctor gets pissed off and sends him off with 50 pills > again the servent comes back, but this time he replies "doctor doctor big fart no chief"

A couple had been happily married for 40 years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards, neck, gizzards, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl upstairs where her hubby was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she slid down his underwear at the back and emptied the bowl more...

Did you ever have to fart, on a bus, or an airplane, or in some public place, but hadn't been farting all that day? So you didn't really know the nature of the beast, you only knew there was LOTS of it!
In a situation like that, what you have to do is to release a test fart. You have to arrange to release, quietly, and in a careful, controlled manner, about 10 to 15 percent of the total fart in order to determine if those around you can handle it!
Or if in fact you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency!
When releasing a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of refuge such as reaching for a magazine. "Sayyy, is that Golf Digest?" *FART!*
You think, "Ah, that wasn't too horrifying; in fact, in an odd way, it's actually rather pleasant. I think they'll enjoy the rest of this baby!"
And it turns out to be one of those farts that would strip the varnish off a Foot Locker! A fart that could end a marriage.
And everyone more...

Farting loudly in a moving elevator is foul on so many levels.

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."

The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."

So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"

Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are.
1-AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a fart.
2-LAZY - Just fizzles
3-AMIABLE - Likes to smell others farts
4-SELFISH - Only enjoys smelling own farts
5-CARELESS - Farts in church
6-SMART ALEC - Farts when ladies are present.
7-CLEVER - Farts and coughs at same time
8-SCIENTIFIC - Bottles own farts
9-STINGY - Belches instead of farting to save asshole
10-FOOLISH - Farts and laughs.
11-SHY - Blushes even when farts silently.
12-CONCEITED - Thinks they can fart loudest.
13-UNLUCKY - Tries to fart and shits pants.
14- TIMID - Jumps when farting.
15-BEWILDERED - can't tell own farts from others.
16-SLOVENLY - Farts and fizzles, rots pants.
17-NERVOUS - Stops in middle of fart.
18-MISERABLE - Can't fart
19-CONFUSED - Face looks so much like ass,
Farts don't know where to go.
20-GROUCH - Grumbles when ladies fart.
21-SNEAKY - Farts and blames it on more...

Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are.1-AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a fart.2-LAZY - Just fizzles3-AMIABLE - Likes to smell others farts4-SELFISH - Only enjoys smelling own farts5-CARELESS - Farts in church6-SMART ALEC - Farts when ladies are present.7-CLEVER - Farts and coughs at same time8-SCIENTIFIC - Bottles own farts9-STINGY - Belches instead of farting to save asshole10-FOOLISH - Farts and laughs.11-SHY - Blushes even when farts silently.12-CONCEITED - Thinks they can fart loudest.13-UNLUCKY - Tries to fart and shits pants.14- TIMID - Jumps when farting.15-BEWILDERED - can't tell own farts from others.16-SLOVENLY - Farts and fizzles, rots pants.17-NERVOUS - Stops in middle of fart.18-MISERABLE - Can't fart19-CONFUSED - Face looks so much like ass, Farts don't know where to go.20-GROUCH - Grumbles when ladies fart.21-SNEAKY - Farts and blames it on the dog.22-DISAPPOINTED - Their farts don't stink.23-FRESH GUY - Jumps in front of you and farts.24-BIG more...