Fighting Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Headliners (1)

What is the real headline?

Twelve Men Arrested in Cock Fighting Ring
Three Men Fight over Cock Ring
Two Women Arrested for Fighting Over a Cock


When Bush Comes To Shove
When Bush Comes To Shave
When Bush Cums

Springtime for Paris Hilton
Bedsprings for Paris Hilton
Jerry Springer for Paris Hilton

Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "All New", "Completely New", or "Great New" means the price went way up.
Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.

A Jewish kid is sent to a Jewish school by his parents.
After two weeks he is kicked out for fighting and laziness. So his parents raise the money and send him to a private school.
However, after two weeks he is kicked out for fighting and laziness. Having no choice, the parents send the kid to a public school. However, after just one week he is suspended for fighting, lateness and laziness. His parents feel terrible.
What to do, what to do!
Finally they decide there is only one thing more they can do. So they enroll him in a Catholic school. Weeks go by and the boy is still in school.
In fact, he has good grades and the nuns speak well of him. His parents are amazed.
They ask the kid,

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America.
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16. If you think more...

- Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. - Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots - Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. - War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. - The Dutch War: Tied - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the more...

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
If more...

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
There is absolutely no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies acculumlate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
All things being equal, fat people use more more...